3:42 PM | Diposkan oleh
siiplah
Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together...
Lenny turned the corner of Colombus and Fifth and cruised up to the address listed on the crumpled piece of paper he clutched in his hand. The radio played an irritatingly catchy old tune which he knew would be lodged in his brain for hours. He climbed out into the heavy summer heat and inspected the anonymous-looking building. Front steps led up to a worn looking door, and a small sign on the wall was the only indication of the business within, and even then, the name was pretty vague. Two words in an old-style lettering were barely legible, 'All Portals'. A bulbous bumblebee meandered from the nearby row of azaleas to rest on doorbell, before jerking into flight once more. Lenny rang the bell.
Brighter than a lucky penny...
A voice crackled through the speakers. 'Come up'. It didn't ask any questions, it simply instructed. The door clunked and Lenny pushed through inside.
A woman appeared from a door to greet him. Her outfit was not a standard dress code that Lenny had ever seen, but it did suit the unseasonable warmth. Her top consisted of four or five thin leather straps, purple in colour, bound strategically across her breasts and arms. Her matching skirt was similarly of the less-is-more variety. As if her outfit was in danger of taking all of the attention, her spectacular hair-style balanced things up pretty well. Shorn army tight around the back and sides of her head, it built up into a spectacular coiffure on top, streaked purple and white and standing two foot into the air above her.
On first glance, she appeared to be some sort of exotic parakeet in the midst of a spectacular display of plumage, but as she approached, Lenny noticed her facial features. A familiarity lurked somewhere in the shape of her bone structure, in the symmetry of her face, her pale skin. She was certainly beautiful, in the same way that simplicity can be beautiful, and it was at odds with her overall appearance. Her eyes were a translucent grey, revealing nothing. The odd feeling that he'd seen her before persisted for a moment, but as the strangely exotic woman spoke, it evaporated.
"Mr. Vali, welcome to All Portals. You've made the right choice. My name is Edun. I'll show you to our specialist, Mr. Brego. Please, follow me." Her voice had all the vibrancy of a gravestone.
Lenny thanked and followed her, trailing in her scent of apple blossom to a high-tech area flanked by a large office. She gestured to her left, smiled a strange, sad smile, nodded and left. Somewhere nearby, a radio was playing low, yet audible.
When you're near the rain cloud disappears...
A beaming smile approached him, and an arm shot out from a man in his mid-forties. "Mr. Vali, great to meet you, I'm so glad you've come here to the number one service in town." Instantly, Lenny was wary of the excessive joviality. "Please step into my office and we'll discuss exactly your requirements."
My requirements, thought Lenny. The number one service, for my requirements. It was all so vague. He'd been given this address and set up with an appointment by a friend, but he still didn't know what could be done. Could these people turn back time? Undo what's already done?
The same music was being piped into Brego's office, thought it was incidental and unobtrusive. The leather chair was startlingly cold, and Lenny noticed a photo on Brego's desk, of that beaming smile and three other beaming smiles, almost identical, in a standard family moment. It looked like a super-fun summer holiday - Lenny's cynicism curled his lip in resentment - at the beach perhaps, and could easily have come supplied with the photo frame, it was so cliche.
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way...
"My wife and kids," Brego grinned, nodding now, his hands folded in front of him on the desk.
"Very nice family. You're obviously a lucky guy." Lenny had never excelled at phoniness.
"Luckiest guy in the world. But what about you Mr. Vali, eh, can I call you Lenny? I feel like we've known each other a long time."
"Sure."
"Lenny - I heard you have certain requirements that we can perhaps help you with?"
"Well, I don't know."
Brego adjusted his face to sincere and solemn interest, and spoke in statement of fact rather than inquiry.
"You have lost somebody, somebody very important to you. You want to have them back."
At that moment reality stepped in and kicked Lenny in the gut. What am I doing here? Idiot! Self-pitying idiot, making a fool of yourself in front of some whacked-out quacks! Get over it, goddammit, get over her.
Brego seemed to read Lenny's face and spoke with sudden incisiveness.
"Lenny, we can get them back. We can bring her back, we have the technology, we've done it before, Lenny, we can help you!"
"How? It's impossible, you're crazy, and I'm worse for coming here."
No you're not, Lenny. You have hope. Nothing wrong with that. Actually, that's key, without it the realignment is never possible. We are not crazy either Lenny."
He paused.
"You've met my lovely assistant, Edun?"
Lenny nodded.
"Noticed something familiar about her, didn't you?"
Lenny remained silent. What are you playing at? What is this? Some sort of trick?
"You have seen her before, Lenny. Fifteen years ago, Lenny, when you first joined the force. Remember, the first time you saw action? Just a rookie cop, you unloaded that gun of yours at a real life human being? It wasn't enough to save Edun that day, Lenny. But we kept her, and we finally cracked it. And she's back, Lenny, she's back from the dead and she's not going anywhere!"
Lenny remembered his first homicide, finding the dead woman, tracking down the sicko bastard. He remembered the lump of plaster hitting his face and the realisation that he'd nearly been a victim too, just like her. He remembered the moment he emptied his gun into the guys chest, the satisfaction, and he could still hear the heavy body bag zips cloaking up the dead.
But it couldn't be...
"We're not cryogenics, Lenny, we're not witches. We're science and philosophy merged, and there's a reason why we're holed up in this poky building, unknown to the public. Can you imagine if word go out? So we specialise. We pick and choose, and of course, we're limited to circumstance. Circumstance, and hope."
Lenny sat back in the chair, listened, felt sick and confused. Brego described the technique, the apparent science. Time was an illusion. A fabrication of man. What Brago spoke of was the merging of 'nows', a selective process, discarding the idea of a linear timeline. There is no past and future, he explained, only 'nows', and his brand of cerebral experimentation lit up areas of the brain otherwise unused, melding together what is perceived as two different realities. Before and after are no different, he explained, and subject to manipulation 'reality' can be focused back or forward to whichever point is required.
Once finished explaining, his beaming smile returned.
"Now, Mr Vali, I have the papers here as regards permissions. We have a contract with the security services, you see. Just give me the green light and we can begin work."
Lenny hated this guy. Despised his eagerness to delve into people's lives, exploit their desires.
"That girl, Edun. Does she remember everything? Her skin... her eyes, she wasn't like that before. What is that?"
"Well, she has limited memory capacity. It varies. As for her appearance, the physical reality will always be out of synch, somewhat. We've refined things since then. We can have your wife back with you, Lenny, as if she never went away. Virtually immortal. Things can be worked on afterwards. Now will I go ahead and process this?" He waved the forms at Lenny.
Out of synch? Limited memory capacity? The girl's lifeless tone echoed in his head.
"No I'm afraid not, Mr. Brego. Zombify your own fucking wife."
"But your Chief said-"
"The answer's no."
As he pounded down the hall to the front door, Edun's voice called after him.
"Thank you, Mr Vali. Detective Vali. She lent in and kissed him softly on the cheek, her lips smooth but cold as ice. Despite her words, sadness dwelled in her perfectly restored face.
Lenny sighed. "I'm sorry I wasn't... better." Turning to go, he paused.
"What's it like? Being back?"
Staring into his eyes, she replied, and he saw nothing but death in hers. "Like I'm not really here."
He left for the Cemetery, for the first time aware of the vibrancy and life that dwelled there. The various dates, the different roles filled, stories lived out, some completed, some cut short. There's something pure about grief, he thought, something pure and true. Most things fade in time, for better or worse, but there were certain things that would burn as strong as ever.
Cause you're in love, you're in love, and love is here to stay...
3:38 PM | Diposkan oleh
siiplah
The universe is dreaming... and our lives are its dreams. Completely transitory, impermanent, destined to leave no trace whatsoever. There is no past or future, they are illusions, there is only the Eternal Now. And the Eternal Now is just too damn hard to pin down. When we die, we are only dreams fading away, but we will be new dreams.
But what about nothingness? A complete absence of anything. Surely that is what happens when we die?
Like going into a deep sleep and never waking up? Just nothingness... well, what was it like to be born? Was it not like waking up after never having gone to sleep? So surely after this perceived existence ends there can only be more of the same, maybe somewhat different, but similar. You won't remember it, but it would be kind of a drag if you did. You'd get bored. You might have a night packed full of dreams, but it's normally only the very last dream or two before you wake which you remember. Occasionally, you get snippets of other dreams, perhaps you woke at some point and recorded it a little bit better than normal and recalled it. Like past lives, perhaps? Our lives are not so dissimilar to dreams.
Nature was pretty much balanced before humans exercised their stronghold on things. Balanced and acting as one entity. A unitive world. Individual cells in our bodies may be singular, and countable, but they all add up to one human person. Similarly, we all add up to one entity, and it is a myth that we are truly individuals. If the Big Bang is correct, then we are all the same matter now, the exact same matter that exploded outwards back then. One entity then, still one entity now. Our perceived 'ego' is a lie, our consciousness can not be found somewhere in our heads or hearts, but it comes from outside. From the universe - and our individual bodies are just vessels capable of experiencing the consciousness of the universe. This is the only thing close to a 'God' and it's in all of us. We are all God.
The philosopher Alan Watts said long ago "If you say 'I am God' in a western country they call you insane or a blasphemer, in Hindu culture they'd say 'Congratulations! At last you found out!'". We can find it in each other, because it's sometimes easier as humans to look outwards. We're uncomfortable looking directly into each other's eyes too much, though. It's weird and rude, staring like that. But when you fall in love with someone and embarrassment goes out the window, and they use the corny expression ' getting lost in each others eyes'. You see the universe in that person's eyes. And the universe looks back at you, and you realise you're both actually one entity. A unitive world.
The Hindus have something called a kalpa. It's an extraordinarily long measure of time, millions of years, and they say that in each kalpa the universe plays hide-and-seek with itself. For one kalpa it remains asleep and dreaming, hidden to itself, going through every kind of experience until finally it wakes up. And it spends another kalpa awake, before going back into the dreamworld. From the plasma and dust and nebulae floating in space, to the plasma and cells inside our flesh and blood, we are the universe. Our lives are its dreams, and they're pretty hard to pin down, so let's just go with it...
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